Anxious...

I wish the next week and a half would just hurry up and go by. I want to get pregnant so badly this month, I know I will just be so disappointed if I'm not. I should be 11 weeks pregnant right now, but instead I am back where I was 12 weeks ago, wondering and waiting. I sit here and think if I would have just been patient and not taken that pregnancy test, and waited those couple extra days, I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant, it would have just been another failed month. Instead, I saw "yes" and got super excited and told my family and a few close friends, if only I would have waited 4 more days. This month I didn't use the OPKs, so I will probably be even more upset if I don't get pregnant. I have been trying so hard to be positive and not think about it, but the closer it gets the harder it is to sit and wait and wonder. I feel like I can't even talk about being disappointed anymore its just a broken record, and all I hear is it will happen or just relax, well I can't relax, when I can't control something I want more than anything and I can't get it. I guess I am one step closer to going back to the doctor after a year of trying, for them to tell me if something is wrong. Deep down I don't feel like there is because I DID get pregnant, but it just gets frustrating month after month.