Crazy

16 weeks today! That is exciting! I feel like its kind of going by fast! I had a doctors appt last Monday, heard the heartbeat, and asked the doc if we could find out the sex before Christmas, she said YES!! IF the baby cooperates we will know next Wednesday if its team pink or team blue!!! I have to say I could go either way, at first I thought I wanted a boy, and now I think it would be cool to have a girl, but either way, I just want a healthy baby!!!

Otherwise, I haven't had too many symptoms lately, just some hip pain while sleeping and some headaches, but nothing too unbearable. I do have a funny story though.
Last week, I had been wanting some KFC so bad. I asked DH if he wanted to get some, and he didn't, so I figured we could get it the next day. The next day, I call him at work and ask what he wants for dinner, and of course I say, lets get KFC. "Ok, that is fine" is what he says. I get home that night, walk in the door, and ask him if he ate yet, and he was eating!! He said he wasn't sure if I was SERIOUS or that we actually PLANNED on going to KFC. I literally almost cried. I was so mad. I controlled myself, and ended up eating leftovers. I barely spoke to him throughout dinner and then went to the store afterward because I was supposed to pick up something before I came home, BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING BACK OUT! When I got back, I apologized to him for being so crabby when I got home, but if I would have spoke to him I probably would have cried. So he says "Over some KFC? you are crazy!" So, the next day during lunch I went out and got my KFC fix!

Thanksgiving

This year was my first Thanksgiving that I cooked EVERYTHING on my own! Usually my MIL comes and does most of the cooking, and I try to help her or just do what she asks. Well this year, my in-laws weren't able to come, so it was just myself and my husband. Although it was just the two of us, I had bought enough for 4, just in case they decided to come last minute. Needless to say, we had a lot of food!
I made:
-Turkey
-Cornbread dressing
-Greens
-Mac & Cheese
-Cole Slaw
-Caramel Apple Pie
And it was ALL good!!! (Although, I ate so much, I ended up getting sick!) I used the recipes from my MIL, and even my Husband said that it was just as good as his moms!!! I was so excited!!! So excited in fact, I took some pictures : )

14 weeks

Well I thought I should finally start to do this, but I will probably not do it every week, because I feel like the answers are going to be the same, so I'll just do it every couple weeks! BTW, I'm in the 2nd Trimester BABY!!

How far along? 14 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: +3lbs

Sleep: Not too bad, I wake up a little throughout the night because my hips hurt, and because every time I have to switch sides, my nerve pain is uncomfortable.

Food cravings: Nothing in particular.

Best moment this week: Nothing really baby related, but had a GREAT THANKSGIVING!

Movement: Nothing yet, hopefully in the next few weeks or so.

Labor Signs: Um, no, a little too early

Gender: No idea, but planning on asking the doc on Monday if they can check, so I can tell my family for Christmas.

Stretchies: Nothing yet.

Belly Button in or out? Very much in, it kind of grosses me out, I feel like as my stomach is getting bigger, it just looks like a black hole.

What I miss: Nothing at all.

What I am looking forward to: My appt on Monday to hear the heartbeat again :)

Symptoms: Sciatic nerve pain, headaches, back ache

Milestones: 2nd Trimester!

Weekly wisdom: No wisdom just yet, just trying to be patient to hear that little heartbeat again!

Emotions: I haven't been too emotional, maybe a little short with my husband, sometimes he just says, "I didn't know you were going to bite my head off" We usually just laugh it off afterward!

Here is a pic I took yesterday!

Cupcake Failure

Wanted to share a funny story that happened a week or so ago. So, my husband has been wanting some carrot cake, and I don't particularly care for it, but I went and bought a box of carrot cake mix and made cupcakes. When then were done I frosted some and my husband ate one. He said that they weren't very sweet, which I don't think carrot cake is anyway, which is probably why I don't like it! Anyways, the next day, he opened up the container they were in and said they smelled bad! He said they smelled like grease. He asked me what oil I used. Well, we have these glass oil containers you see at like an Italian restaurant, one is for Olive oil and the other is for vegetable oil. I told him I used the vegetable oil, because you don't usually bake with olive oil. He then proceeded to tell me that he poured some old oil/grease in that bottle that we have used for frying!!!!! So he ate some leftover grease!!! Needless to say we threw them away! But, I felt really bad, and so disgusted that he ate grease!! He poured that bottle of oil out and went and bought some more vegetable oil to put in it, so that never happens again! And, I made him a fresh batch this weekend, and he said they tasted A LOT better! Just makes me sick every time I think about him eating that cupcake! GROSS!

What are you looking at?

I'm coming to the end of the first trimester. I can't believe how fast it has gone. I always knew I wanted to have children, but I have never been able to imagine myself being pregnant. Now that its here, I still can't believe I am. Maybe its because I haven't had all the "usual" symptoms. Either way, I can't wait to start showing, and feeling the baby. I have to admit I'm a little nervous about gaining weight, but who isn't? My friend always says, there isn't another time in your life when you have an excuse to gain weight. And, I'm growing a baby! The other night I was laying in bed thinking about if I was having a boy or a girl, and thought to myself that every women in my family has had a boy first; my grandma, both aunts and my mom. I'm sure that has nothing to do with me, but that is kind of crazy! Then my next thought was, I sure wish my Grandma was here to see this! I grew up with my Grandma, I lived with her on and off during childhood and spent pretty much everyday after school at her house and everyday during the summer at her house. We would play cards together, lay in the sun together and go grocery shopping together, my best memories of a child were spending time with her. I wish my child would have been able to meet her. She passed away almost 4 years ago, she had dementia. Although, it sucked to see her like that, my grandma was pretty funny! We ended up having to put her in a nursing home because she kept leaving the house in the middle of the night. One day when we went to see her, we were sitting at a table in the dining room, and she was talking away, and all of a sudden she looked over at this lady in a wheel chair who looked like she was in a daze, and said "what are you looking at, you got a problem?" It was pretty funny.
Well, with all of that I'll leave you with a 12 week belly pic. Hope everyone has a good week!

Epic

We took our first cruise a couple weeks ago on the Norwe.gian Ep.ic.

We stopped in Cos.ta Ma.ya, Mex.ico, Roa.tan, Hon.duras and Coz.umel, Me.xico. I was very skeptical about taking a cruise, I have heard mixed feelings about it, some love it and some hate it. I myself, was not a fan of being out in the middle of the ocean. But, I am happy to say, that I enjoyed it, and half the time forgot I was on a boat! My favorite stop was Hond.uras! I think it was because I did not expect it to be so beautiful. Cos.ta Ma.ya on the other hand was sad. There was nothing there. Apparently it got hit with a hurricane pretty bad a couple years ago, and they haven't built it back up. Anyways, the boat had a casino, shopping, bowling, about 10 different restaurants, arcade, pool, rock climbing wall, water slides....it was pretty cool. Here are some pictures of our trip!

This was our view outside our balcony when we got to Hond.uras

We went on a city tour, and they took us to an Iguana Farm...it was crazy, there were hundreds of them!

This is Coz.umel

The family, my in-laws, sister-in-law and her husband and myself and my husband.

One last pic of Hond.uras

It was a nice trip, we were able to eat whenever we wanted!! My husband loved the 24/7 ice cream! I was just loving all the food, since I'm hungry ALL.THE.TIME! I think I gained 5 pounds on the trip, but dropped a couple when I got back. I was also very surprised I didn't get sick at all when I was on the boat!!

Double Digits!!!

OMG I am 10 weeks today!! I can't believe its been 4 weeks since I last updated!! I finally switched doctors, so I went to the new doctor today, and loved them! I am so glad I switched! We got to see the baby today too! It is so crazy how much the baby changed in 3 weeks! When I went to the doctor at 7 weeks it looked like a little blob, but today like a little gummy bear! The nurse said everything looked good, and she was able to pick up a heartbeat from the doppler! I think my husband was amazed when we were looking at the ultrasound and the baby was moving around! The heartbeat was in the 150s. I have been feeling ok, a little nausea here and there, and some gagging, but overall I feel like I've been pretty lucky. I have a little sciatic nerve pain, but that is only when I'm laying on my back for a long time.
We just got back from our cruise a week or so ago, I'll have to post about that later.
So, here are some pictures of me at 9 weeks, I look a little bloated!

6 weeks and Superman

I'm six weeks today, but still don't seem very pregnant. My chest is a little sore, and I'm tired, but still no nausea or morning sickness. I'm trying so hard to be positive, but its so hard when you just don't feel pregnant. I'm sure I should feel very lucky to not be sick at this point, but I just need some reassurance that things are developing. I only have 7 more days until I see/hear a heartbeat.

This weekend we went to the movies and saw Wait.ing for Super.man. If you haven't heard about it, it is a documentary about the U.S. Education system. It was good, but very sad and disappointing. To listen to people in charge of the system and who make the decisions say they know if kids go to this certain school they are going to fail is just unacceptable. To see a video of a teacher that did nothing but read a newspaper to himself the whole class, is ridiculous. I know there are great teachers out there that deserve to be paid more, but when you have teachers that the school knows are bad, and they can't fire them that is crazy?!! The movie made me cry, it was so sad to see some of these kids trying to go to better schools but they didn't get chosen because it was a lottery system. Now I just need to figure out what I can do to help, it is not fair that just because you live in a certain neighborhood that you can't get a good education.

Girls Weekend!

A couple weekends ago my husband went out of town for a guys trip, so I invited my sister out here for a girls weekend! We had a lot of fun! First thing Friday morning I got up to take a pregnancy test to see if I could drink for the weekend, it was negative. So, Friday, we went shopping and went out Friday night and had some drinks.

Then on Saturday my sister had a great idea of going to get a massage! It was great! Neither one of us could sleep either night hardly, so we were so tired on Saturday we kind of just bummed around the rest of the day, but it was so nice to just sit and chat and catch up. We talk as much as we can on the phone, but life gets in the way, and sometimes there isn't enough time in the day. Saturday night, we met up with one of my friends for a couple of drinks. Its so sad/funny that both nights I think we were home by 12:30 or 1am. Oh well, I was sooo glad that she came to visit me and we were able to spend the weekend together! It was sad when she left, but hopefully I'll see her again during Thanksgiving.

So, a couple days later is when I realized that I was actually pregnant, I just took the test too early. When I told my sister she didn't believe me because she is the one that looked at the test to tell me it was negative. She also accidentally touched my pee stick lol she went to the bathroom after me, and didn't realize it was sitting on the counter!! OOPS

So...

Today I am 5 weeks pregnant.... I have gone back and forth about putting it on here, but I wanted to get it out, I can't wait two more weeks till I go to the doctor. I found out on Thursday that I was pregnant, I was a little worried getting to today because this was when I had my miscarriage last time. Although this time I have more symptoms. I was able to make an appt to see my doctor at 7 weeks, she told me I could come in anytime after 6 1/2 weeks, so my appt is set for Oct 11. I'm really trying to stay calm and not worry too much, but every little thing I get worried about. I sit at work all day and poke my boobs to make sure they still hurt! My doctor said that was the first thing to go away when you are having a miscarriage, so just want to be sure! As sad as it sounds, I can't wait for morning sickness to kick in so I can be more sure about this one. Other than sore boobs, I'm just tired and hungry all the time, and make frequent trips to the bathroom, and feel like I always have to unbutton my pants, they just feel tight. Since a couple days before I got my positive test, I've had light cramping, but I've heard its normal, and its on and off nothing constant. Hoping the next two weeks fly by!

Doctor Appt & Labor Day

Last week I went to the doctor for my normal yearly appointment and while I was there I brought up the fact that its been a year now that we have started TTC. The doctor pretty much told me that I have to wait a year AFTER my miscarriage before she will do anything! That because I was pregnant, that "we know everything works" that I should be glad I'm not 36, and I'm still young. She also told me if I were to get pregnant I can't come in for any blood work to make sure my numbers are doubling! That I have to wait until I'm 6 1/2 weeks to see if there was a heartbeat. She said that the Betas could be wrong and there is no point in having an ultrasound if there is not a heartbeat yet. So..I was not very happy, I'm very much considering finding another doctor, this is my 3rd doctor at this place, the first one was really nice, but she retired, but the last two are not very sensitive! I may call anyways and ask if I can come in as soon as I'm pregnant, but we'll see.
For Labor Day weekend we went down to Kentucky for a family reunion on my Dads side, it was so much fun! All my Dads sisters and brothers were there besides one and their kids.

This is a picture of myself and both of my nieces.

This is myself, my husband and my dad

It was a long drive down, but it was well worth it to see everybody. My one uncle was told a long time ago that he wasn't able to ever have kids. Well, his wife is now 6 months pregnant! I found out she was pregnant a day after I had my miscarriage, we were just a couple weeks apart. I was so excited for them, because my uncle is such a great guy, and he was over the moon excited that they are going to be having a baby, we had a little shower for them while we were there. It was weird though, I almost started crying when they walked in, not because I'm not happy for them, but just because I knew that I would have been just that pregnant, but I held myself together!

Hope everybody had a good long weekend!

This and That

Haven't wrote a blog for a while, but not much new going on here. I'm on the fourth book of the Twil.ight saga...I know I'm addicted I have read the first three books within two weeks or less, and I'm almost half way through the fourth book! All I've been doing is coming home and reading! Still not pregnant, going to my doctors appt on Monday in a weird way I'm looking forward to that, if you can look forward to going to your OB. But, just want them to do some tests or something to convince me there is nothing wrong with me! I'm starting to think about acupuncture, my friend knows a lady that has a 100% success rate for helping women get pregnant! I've been holding out, but I think after my doctor appt, I might take it more seriously.
Anyways, this past weekend my Dad and stepmom came to visit, I LOVE visitors! We had a good time, although we didn't do much I just love to sit around and visit with them. Their trip was too short, but we'll see them soon enough for a family reunion!! I'm looking forward to seeing Aunts and Uncles and cousins I haven't seen in a long time!
Today, I bought a webcam, my sister convinced me that I should get one so we can skype, I'm kind of excited, I'll get to see my niece too while we are doing it, so that will be fun! I've never used skype, so I hope it works!! It was super easy to sign up! ALso, my sister might be coming to visit me, my husband is going out of town for the weekend, so I thought it would be fun to have her come out for the weekend while hes gone! I really hope she is able to come, it will be so great to spend some time with her, I KNOW we will have a blast!
Sorry for all the randomness!

Team..

So, I never would have imagined myself reading Twi.light, but I'm in a book club and somebody chose it to read. I was just talking to somebody at work that is IN LOVE with it and telling her that I just don't see myself getting into it. Well, I read the first book this weekend, started on Saturday and finished Sunday...it was good! I couldn't put it down, I always wanted to know what was going to happen next, and I want to start the next one already! If I had to choose I think I would say TEAM ED.WARD! I think that might be because Jacob wasn't really in this book too much, but I kind of want to watch the movie now too. I feel like a complete dork for saying that?! All the other books that have been chosen have been smut, and this was a nice change of pace :)
I can see why girls get into this vampire stuff its like a mystery, kind of sexy. But I'm not so sure about the pale skin..I don't find them attractive whatsoever! Anybody else read Twilight? What did you think?

Blah Blah Blah

First, I have to say, is it really only Tuesday?!?!? It feels like Thursday, it might be a long week...

This post is really just me needing to get things off my mind, I am feeling a little depressed lately about not being pregnant yet. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow, but today, as I was driving home from work, I almost started crying for nothing, and I'm not really a crier. And I'm sure I've said this stuff before in other posts, but oh well. I hate being stressed out about what days to BD with my husband, I mean I really HATE it! Even if I told myself that I should take a break from TTC, I KNOW in the back of my mind I will always be trying to figure out what day it is and if I'm going to be OV'ing soon. I really did not think when I started this journey it was going to take a year to get pregnant. I wish I would have started casually trying long before, knowing what I know now. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm not around family because I think that would help take my mind off of things a bit. But being here, and not having a great social life and NO family of course besides my husband, I think it makes it a little harder. Maybe my husband was right that I shouldn't read all these baby blogs, but I truly enjoy reading them. I don't want to be that girl that gets upset when somebody else gets pregnant. I don't want to be that girl that people hide their pregnancies because they think I might get upset. And maybe I'm being a baby about it, but it is just SO frustrating. I guess the one thing I get to look forward to this month is my doctors appt on Aug 30th. My friend and I were talking today that I should go in to the doctors office with a list of things they should test me for to see why I'm not getting pregnant. They will probably think I am nuts! It might not have helped that somebody reminded me yesterday that if I didn't have my miscarriage that I would have found out this week or next week if I was having a boy or a girl.

Anyways I'm on CD8, so still a bit to go this month...lets hope my doctors visit at the end of the month will actually be an ultrasound with a heartbeat...

My Ghetto Garden and Just Relax!

So, as you may know, if you read my blog :) I have a little container garden on my deck. Well, I thought I would take pictures to show everybody how horrible it looks, mainly the plants themselves. I have to admit, my tomatoes are great!! As you will see, but the other two, not so much!

This is my tomato plant, if I can say so myself it looks pretty good! And you can see some tomatoes on there! I think I have picked off over 10 of them!

This on the other hand is my cucumber plant, or what is left of it...it is so horrible, just 4 weeks ago it was so full and had yellow flowers on it

REALLY?! that is all I have to say about that, my ONE deformed cucumber

Here is what is supposed to be mixed flowers, there are TWO freaking flowers on this thing, and the rest is weeds!!!

Lets just say I never said I was Ms Green Thumb, but geez, one out of three?! I have to admit, I am proud of my tomatoes, and my Dad was a little jealous I had tomatoes before he did.

Lastly, would like to share a convo I had with DH about TTC, well because he was basically telling me to relax, and that is why I'm not pregnant...

ME: I just realized that I don't even read the news anymore, I just read blogs
DH: Let me guess what kind of blogs they are..
ME: Well I can't help it, but most are baby blogs
DH: Did you ever think that is why you can't get pregnant, because you think too much about it? My Mom got pregnant with me when she took off a week from work, it was less stress.
ME: blank stare....thinking to myself, did he just tell me to relax??

Well, I thought it was funny, my own husband telling me to relax, isn't that how everybody gets pregnant?! Especially those girls on 16 and Pregnant! :)

New York, New York, New York

In New York, concrete jungles where dreams are made of, oh
theres nothing you can't do, now your in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you, lets hear it for New York,
New York, New York
Oh sorry, I got carried away! As you might have figured out, I was in New York this weekend with my mother in law, sister in law, my DHs Aunt and cousins, it was a girls weekend! We had a lot of fun! We walked down 5th Avenue and Broadway, did some shopping. We went to SoHo, Little Italy and Chinatown and also took a tour of Brooklyn! The weather was HOT HOT HOT!!! I don't think I have ever sweat so much in my life! Here are a couple pics of our trip.

This is Little Italy, it was so cute! I think that might have been my favorite area, and we ate at the cutest restaurant and the food was great!

This is a pic of the group minus a cousin that was taking the picture, I am the one on the far right.

Lastly, here is a picture down Broadway.

I would love to go back and do a tour of Uptown, which includes Harlem, we had the tickets to do it, and we were on the way there, but the bus we were on broke down, so we had to get on another bus, and didn't realize they were going on a different tour. It is so hard to see everything in New York in just a few days! I would also like to see Greenwich Village, it looked like a very nice area. I do know that I could never live in New York, it is way too crowded for me!

Adoption

No, I'm not at the point where I'm going to start researching adoption and giving up on my body, but for some reason the other day, I thought to myself, that it would be nice to adopt one day. To give a child who may not have had a great life, a better chance at life. Today, DH emailed me and all it said was lets adopt from Haiti. I really thought he was joking, so I called him and he was for real! I swear he surprises me sometimes! I like the thoughts of adopting from Haiti, but I think I would want to adopt from the US, but then again I haven't given it too much thought. I would really love to have the experience of carrying and birthing my own child, if I will ever be so blessed! I might start looking into it to see what it entails but from stories I read it could take years. Anybody else ever think about adopting?

On the TTC front, I'm still waiting for my positive OPK, but have noticed that POAS everyday gives me a sense of calmness, really? has my life come to POAS everyday so I know when to BD with my husband!?!? But really I don't think about it as much and worry if we did it on the right day or not. One good thing, is my TWW shouldn't be too bad because it will be broken up by a trip to NY!! Two more cycles and I will be at the ONE YEAR mark of TTC!!! wOAH, that went by rather quickly! Lets hope this one or the next sticks! Studies say that there is a greater chance at conceiving after this many months right?!

That Thing

So, we've been TTC for about 10 months now. Back in April, I was getting frustrated and told my husband, "i'm going to POAS everyday until I ovulate" sounds so sexy right? Well, I was discreet about it, and he only saw me do it once. So after my miscarriage I am starting to use them again after a month of failure. Last week, my husband informs me that there is an app on our phone that tracks ovulation, and he proceeds to watch me download it and put in when I started my period, and it calculates when you will ovulate. He didn't think it was too exciting. I also didn't think the app was that great, and I think I removed it from my phone. So the other day, out of nowhere my
husband says, "so, you have that thing next week?"
ME: "what thing?" so he proceeds to tap my vag
husband: that thing?
ME: you mean do I ovulate next week, and how did you know that?
husband: yeah, when we were looking at that app on your phone it looks like you ovulate a week after your period, and I know you just ended it.
Me: oh yeah, its next week
I was almost cracking up, I would have NEVER thought he would even think about that, he is usually the one that says to relax and not worry about it. But I have to admit, it made me feel good that he was thinking about it, and thinking of me, knowing how much I want to be pregnant and have a baby.

How Long Have You Been Together?

11 years!! Really?! That is always the reaction I get when people ask how long DH and I have been together. Well, we met in high school! He moved to my school in 10th grade. I was actually out sick his first day. My sister came home from school, and told me there was a new kid in class and he talked funny..haha. Well, my sister is from Virginia, little did she realize she is the one that had an accent. Anyways, the next day when I went to school, I realized quickly who he was. For one, the high school we went to only had about 10 black kids, and he was HOT!!! :) I truly don't remember how we started talking, but eventually we started writing notes back and forth during class, and if you can believe it I asked HIM on our first date in a note of course :) He wrote back and said "Is J asking W on a date?" and of course I had to say no, that I just wanted him to hang out with my sister and I and a friend. Well, he said yes. He is 9 months younger than I am, so, on our first date, and many dates after I had to drive haha. So, I picked him up from his house, which was awkward, because his Dad was outside mowing the grass, and his Mom peaked out the door, and I didn't even get out of the car!!! I realize now how disrespectful that was, but I was 16, and not saying I was not a good kid, I just didn't think about it at the time...oops. So we went and saw a movie and went bowling. Been together ever since, besides a few "high school break ups" We made it past high school and college, we moved out of state, and after about 9 years, he proposed, on Christmas Eve in 2007 and we married in May 2009! So, its funny now to say that we have only been married for just over a year!!
Now, that we are TTC its kind of annoying when people tell us to wait, that we should enjoy being newlyweds, but really, we have been together for a long time, I don't think we need to wait. My husband always says, what are we waiting for?

Thankful

So, AF came 4 days early!! Nothing like smacking me in the face and telling me "hey, your not pregnant dummy, all those "symptoms" were all in your head!" Which kind of sucks because we are going out of town this weekend, but oh well, I'm still excited to get away for the weekend and see some family!
I have to admit I was so mad last night when I could feel it coming, and very crabby this morning when I went to work. But, between my husband and my friend at work, they made me laugh most of the day, so that kept my mind off of it. I really didn't think my husband understood how frustrated I was about it until this morning. He could obviously tell I wasn't in a good mood, and asked me why I was in such a bad mood, and I said, it doesn't matter you don't understand, and he told me not to assume, that he understands it can get frustrating, and basically told me that I am only 27, I don't have to worry about it, I have a lot of time. Then was being silly all morning trying to make me laugh. All month, I told myself, if I am not pregnant I will need to think of something to tell myself that its not a big deal to not get depressed about it, that didn't happen, but my bad mood only lasted a couple hours. I made an appt with my doctor for my "yearly" appt, so I think that just gives me something to look forward to, so they can tell me if something is wrong or not, which I think will put me at ease a little bit.
I really should be thankful for what I have. My friend told me today that I have so much going for me, that I shouldn't worry about it. I do have a GREAT husband, a good job, a nice home and the best family! I have several trips planned, so I really shouldn't be complaining. I'm going to New York in about 3 weeks, we are going on a cruise in October and we are going away this weekend! I really am thankful for everything I do have, I couldn't ask for a more loving and hilarious husband. I know that he has pulled me out of those times where I just want to sit and watch TV all day and not talk to anybody, and feel sorry for myself. He basically tells me to get my ass up and do something :) Sometimes I get mad at him for sounding so insensitive, but I know its what is best for me.

9 more days....

So, nine more days and I will know if this was a good month. Last night I had some VERY vivid dreams, my friend at work told me that is a sign!!! Trying not to get my hopes up and looking for other signs! That's all for now, nothing much going on.

Anxious...

I wish the next week and a half would just hurry up and go by. I want to get pregnant so badly this month, I know I will just be so disappointed if I'm not. I should be 11 weeks pregnant right now, but instead I am back where I was 12 weeks ago, wondering and waiting. I sit here and think if I would have just been patient and not taken that pregnancy test, and waited those couple extra days, I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant, it would have just been another failed month. Instead, I saw "yes" and got super excited and told my family and a few close friends, if only I would have waited 4 more days. This month I didn't use the OPKs, so I will probably be even more upset if I don't get pregnant. I have been trying so hard to be positive and not think about it, but the closer it gets the harder it is to sit and wait and wonder. I feel like I can't even talk about being disappointed anymore its just a broken record, and all I hear is it will happen or just relax, well I can't relax, when I can't control something I want more than anything and I can't get it. I guess I am one step closer to going back to the doctor after a year of trying, for them to tell me if something is wrong. Deep down I don't feel like there is because I DID get pregnant, but it just gets frustrating month after month.

Baby Registry

What do people usually register for, for a baby shower? We were supposed to go to MI this weekend for a baby shower for DHs cousin, instead we ordered something online and sent it to them. I was in awe of the things they registered for, such as toddler underwear, sippy cups, lotion and oils. I didn't see any bottles or clothes or wipes. At one store they only registered for 14 things. I am not pregnant and have never had to register for a baby shower, but I just feel like there are more important things to register for, or am I completely wrong?
On the baby front, i'm starting to second guess myself about buying OPKs this month, and kind of hoping that this cycle will be similar to the cycle I got pregnant, so I don't have to spend money on them. I only have a day or two to decide what to do!! Lately, I have been yearning to be pregnant so bad, and just wish these next couple weeks will go by fast. Although I feel like I have a better start this time, I have been taking my prenatals for a couple weeks now, where as before I think I started back up during my TWW, and I'm starting to exercise a little. I just don't want to overdue it, and wondering if I should stop exercising during my TWW. I wish I was carefree about TTC, it is not supposed to be so stressful!

I think it's a SIGN

So, after a couple months of TTC I went online and started researching OPKs, and found a website that gave them away free! I think I ordered ten of them probably 3 months ago now, so Friday, I get home and they were in the mail!!! After a week of thinking about going to buy them. Is it a sign?? I think I will still have to go buy some because they only sent me about 4 AND a pregnancy test!

This weekend I also bought P90x off craigslist, I want to be a little more in shape. I am not overweight, I just want to tone up and be able to walk up our 3 flights of stairs without being out of breath!
Lastly, yesterday I saw tomatoes on my plant!!! They are little baby tomatoes! So sad the things I get excited about!
Hope everybody had a good weekend!

Its Time..

I've been busy the last week or so, work has been crazy and we had company this weekend! I've feel like I have been negative lately, the other day, I said to myself, why is it that crackheads and alcoholics can have healthy babies and people that are trying and so excited to have babies have miscarriages? But then I tried to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, and not to think about it like that.
AF came pretty quick this month, its only been 3 weeks since my miscarriage. I guess that just means I get to start TTC a little earlier! I've been debating if I should use the OPKs again this month, I used it the month I got pregnant. I feel like now I know I can get pregnant, and maybe I don't need to use it, but on the other hand if I don't get pregnant I'd be mad at myself for not using it. I'm sure i'll cave and buy it in the next couple days, I just don't want to obsess about it.
On another note, my tomato and cucumbers are starting to grow, the tomatos should be coming in soon!! I'm so excited for my little garden!

Sisters...

Between blogs I'm reading and the book I'm reading there has been a lot of talk about sisters. So I thought I would talk about sisters and my relationship with my sister. I just got done reading a book called In Her Shoes. In the book the characters are sisters and they go through normal sister things such as arguments over one stealing the others shoes and men, but at the end of course they come together and really appreciate each other. Of course I cried at the end. My sister is "technically" my step sister, but I don't really like the word step, so I always call her my sister, and then when people ask how old she is and I tell them they ask if we are twins, because we are the same age. "No, I just don't like to say step" I think for step sisters we have a GREAT relationship. We met when we were 12 and have basically been best friends since.

I can't imagine my life without my sister. It doesn't matter if we talk or email every other day or once every two weeks we always know that the other one is there if we need something. I feel like we became closer after she had her daughter. I remember the day that she called to tell me I was going to be an Aunt, I just started crying, I was so happy for her, and couldn't wait to be an Aunt again. I can't explain it, but in a way I felt like we grew closer. I wish we lived closer so that we could hang out more and spend more time with each other, I love to go home and stay with her and we can just sit and talk and drink coffee like I never left. I know when I told her I was pregnant, she was just excited for me as I was, and when I had my miscarriage she just didn't know what to say. But she called to check on me everyday to make sure I was doing OK. I know she will be here when I am finally blessed with a child to show me the ropes!

What I'm Doing

I've been trying to keep myself busy the last week or so. I started a little container garden on my deck, and am getting really excited to see the little sprouts come up. I planted cucumber seeds as well as flowers and a tomato plant, we shall see what comes of it! I've started back at the gym, and am thinking about buying the P90x home work-out, I need something to tell me what to do because I'm getting really bored at the gym.

With the long weekend coming, I wish I could go back to Michigan to see my family, but half of them will be out of town, and it would probably be too quick of a trip! Its times like these that I wish I lived closer to home. Although it was my choice to move away and it has been great, I am ready to be closer to all of my family, especially since we want to start a family. I want my kids to know their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. Plus, I want to see my nieces and nephews grow up!

Otherwise patiently waiting for next month to start TTC again...

What Now

So I have obviously been thinking about what happened last week, and although it hurts and not something anybody wants to go through, I do want to say that I'm glad that it was very early. Obviously I'm not glad it happened but just thankful that I didn't hear the heartbeat already or have it really sink in. There are people out there that have gone through much worse. After my month break we'll give it a go again. It is just so crazy to me how common it is, its not something women really speak about, but I feel like it might help others that are going through the same thing and not feel alone. I had so many unanswered questions, and the doctor just said its the luck of the draw. I know that they probably see this all the time, but the doctor I saw really wasn't sensitive about it and basically told me she was trying to rush through it because I was being squeezed in her schedule.

I am really just trying to tell myself that it happened for a reason, and try to stay positive when I can start to try to conceive again.

One week today

So, this time last week, I was very excited to tell friends and family that I had finally received a positive test. Today, as I sit at work, I feel numb. On Friday morning around 4am, I started bleeding, went to the doctor and found out that I had lost the baby. 4 days after all the excitement it was gone. Since this was my first pregnancy, I was very excited to tell everybody, but maybe I was a little naive and thought that it wouldn't happen to me. I do know next time, that I will wait a couple weeks before telling anybody. I always thought that it wouldn't happen to me, but I was wrong.

The Reveal!

On Monday May 10th, we found out that I was pregnant!!!! I was a couple days late, and I had been pretty normal the last 4 or 5 months, but I didn't want to take the test too early. I told W on Saturday morning that I was late and that I was going to either take a test on Sunday or Monday, but just didn't want to get my hopes up! I didn't do it on Sunday because if it was negative I didn't want to be upset, it was Mothers Day! SO I couldn't take it anymore, I took it first thing Monday morning!

I set down the test between W and I, and he moved it over to his side of the sink. We were brushing our teeth getting ready to go to work, after what seemed like forever I saw him look over at it, and then look over at it again, I asked him if it had the result and he said no, but I kept asking him..finally I took a look on my own and saw the YES!!



I of course started jumping up and down because we had been trying for 8 months, and although it doesn't compare to a lot of people it felt like forever!! W might have shed a tear! I had to tell somebody, so I called my Mom as soon as I got into the car on my way to work. Then during lunch time I had to tell my sister!! But told her she couldn't go to see our parents because I knew she would tell them.

Then today, W told his parents and his sister and my sister helped me tell my Dad and step mom!!!! The were all so excited!!

I haven't had many symptoms, just headaches and I'm hungry and tired, although I haven't been able to sleep since I knew I was late, and having to wait a day to tell some people!! Hopefully I'll get some rest tonight now that the secret is out!

And the journey begins!